And I'm not talking about the weather. Not directly anyway. This morning it all of a sudden occurred to me that in a very short while, I will be overwhelmed. We are on the cusp of an honest-to-goodness change in the weather. Not that teasing type we've had in past weeks where we're delirious with joy at the temps in the 70s, only to be driven back inside to curl up on the sofa, wrapped in a blankie, snuggling a kitty or two to keep warm. While the actual weather we're experiencing might belie the fact that it's spring, the calendar doesn't fib. We're halfway through April and it can only get better.
And now I'm starting to have a bit of an anxiety attack. To be sure, I'm itching to get into the gardens and finishing cleaning them up, as well as moving a few things around and direct sowing my seeds. But it also means The Big Green Machine will be set in motion and there will be no stopping it until first frost this fall. I'll soon be deluged with so many things to do that I won't know what to do first. Or I won't have the energy I need to do them all. And there will still be those inside things that need doing.
But this is what I have waited for all winter long, right? Bored with looking at the cold, gray, naked landscape, I longed for the days that I could grow pretty flowers outside and not have to force them inside. Yes. Well. I need to sit myself down and give me a good talking-to.
Part of what contributes to this inner turmoil is the fact that I am The Queen of Procrastination. I usually get whatever needs doing done, but not a moment too soon and sometimes a few moments too late. "I work well under pressure" is just a phrase we procrastinators use to dress up our dirty habit. The truth of the matter is we don't work well under pressure most times, but we're more comfortable with putting things off than doing good planning and following through.
I make a New Year's resolution every January to do better and reform myself. And then I make it again in March, and again in July, and by September I just resign myself to living with it. I procrastinate changing my procrastinating, and in this case, two negatives do not make a positive.
The other thing I get concerned about is whether I will have good days with my fibromyalgia when outdoor conditions are conducive to getting a lot done out there. If the planets align themselves in my favor, no problem. I can pace myself and get it all done. If not, I overdo when I have the chance and feel up to it, but pay for it in the days that follow.
Just writing this here has relieved my anxiety a bit, because I have come to the realization that part of this I can do nothing about. And the other part ... well ... there's that other part and nobody's perfect, right?
So bring on spring!