Saturday, May 12, 2012

Please Don't Make Me Eat Them


I hate fresh tomatoes.

Let’s let that sink in a little bit.







For those of you who love them and live for the summer days when you can sink your teeth into those love apples – really now, love apples??? – it has been brought to my attention that I just might not be American, what with hating fresh tomatoes and everything. But I thought it was “baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet.” Check, check, check and my-first-car-was-a-Chevy-Nova check.

'Brandywine' tomatoes in my 2008 garden
They’re red. I’ll give you that. Red is, after all, my favorite color. In fact, tomato red is my favorite shade of said color. I’ve got something red in just about every room of my house, (though no single room is predominately red). Just don’t put those red fruits in my mouth unless they’re cooked.

Don’t get me wrong. I like tomatoes in general. I think they’re a respectable fruit (yeah, I know, I keep saying fruit; that’s because technically they are) and the heirloom varieties are downright gorgeous. I’ve grown ‘Cherokee Purple’ for several years just because I think they’re pretty and it’s en vogue to grow heirloom tomatoes. They make your garden look better just by being in it.

My husband likes tomatoes, so being a good wife and all, I grow some just for him. I put out one regular-sized tomato plant and at least one cherry tomato variety, because he likes to just walk out to the garden and pop ‘em in his mouth. I tried that once, on a dare. Never again.

I kind of wish I liked them. Eating fresh tomatoes is like drinking coffee. Everyone drinks it, right? Nuh-uh. I don’t like coffee either. Or tea. I kind of wish I liked all three. I mean, fresh tomatoes are good for you. And they’re freakin’ everywhere! I swear. On sandwiches, in salads, at roadside stands, on a bajillion blogs… There are even entire blogs devoted to just tomatoes. Blows my mind.

'Cherokee Purple' - 2009

Before you unfriend me on Facebook simply because you think you can no longer be friends with someone who doesn't like fresh tomatoes, consider this. I like other things that a lot of people don’t. Like Cream of Wheat. Yum, oh yum yum yum. Add some butter and top with sugar and I’m in heaven. Add milk and sugar and cinnamon and ohhh, baby. It’s a dessert! And I like braunschweiger. With ketchup. That’s pork liver sausage. See? We’re even.

I’ll let you sneak fresh tomatoes into some of my food, if you chop them up finely enough. Little cubes about a half-inch square (don’t you dare make them any bigger) are somewhat acceptable, if I have to eat them. But don’t overdo it. Just a few, please. And could you get rid of those disgusting seeds? Thank you.

'Brandywine' - 2008

My eating just a few in this way was a giant step for tomato-kind and salad pushers everywhere. I never used to eat lettuce either. It’s still not my favorite thing – I prefer spinach (but don’t you dare cook that) – and I wouldn’t eat either one of them if it weren’t for the salad dressing. And let’s not even discuss peppers, okay?

It was just five years ago or so that I started eating cucumbers. I’m a pickle-lover from way back, but pure, unadulterated cucumbers? I had to grow into those. I’ve always thought they smelled fabulous and I could be found huffing cut cucumbers in the kitchen on occasion, but the thought of eating them sent me running far, far away. Then one day, for some unexplained reason, I tried a slice – I think there might have been alcohol involved – and what do you know? Them’s GOOD!

Perhaps there’s hope for me and fresh tomatoes yet, but don't bet this year's tomato crop on it. Until then, if you’re one of those crazy people that like them, come and sit by me at the dinner table. I’ll give mine to you. You're welcome.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And just so you know, I'm not alone in The Fresh Tomato Haters Club.  I've got comrades. No kidding.  Here's proof:

"Confessions of a Mater Hater" by The Grumpy Gardener (Steve Bender)
"My Seedy Little Secret" by Christopher Tidrick at From the Soil


14 comments:

Southern California Woman Rancher said...

the redder the better fresh sun kissed off the vine :no salt" needed <|;-)

Terry @ Domesticated Dilettante said...

That is so sad! But I won't invite you for coffee and try to proselytize :-)

I do have an awesome recipe for roasted tomato sauce that is a great base for pasta sauce or for making your own pizza and I'd be happy to share it.

Terry

Grumpy Gardener said...

Kylee is the most honest, sincere, and insightful person I know. Therefore, when she says she hates fresh tomatoes, you can believe it's because fresh tomatoes taste horrible.

Alison said...

I bet you love olives, don't you? Yuck, yuck, yuck! BTW, how on earth do you stay so skinny if you don't like so many veggies?

spurge said...

You really had me laughing there! Are you sure you're not making that up just to get attention? :-) Seriously, you don't like BRANDYWINE?? (I can see not liking supermarket "tomatoes." And Cherokee Purple is pretty bland, as far as heirlooms go. But it's mind-boggling to me that someone can't find at least ONE heirloom that they like, sliced fresh and sprinkled with salt!) Thanks for the mind-expansion.

Cindy Garber Iverson said...

I have to chuckle at this post! I COMPLETELY understand your distaste for fresh tomatoes. I'll grow them but don't make me eat them.

My tastes are like yours: can't stand fresh tomatoes; LOVE Malt-o-Meal (same as Cream o' Wheat); hate cooked spinach; can't stand coffee or tea; and Hubby thinks I am beyond bizarre because I sometimes like to eat pasta with ketchup on it. Never had braunschweiger but I'd probably like it with ketchup too. lol

Cindy at Rosehaven Cottage

Jennah said...

I used to not like them. For me, it was more a texture thing...I only really like the part right by the skin, and not the gel/seedy part. Now I'm OK with it all. (And I LOVE cream of wheat with honey and cinnamon!)

I don't eat meat (only a little), onions, or peppers. Those are honestly pretty much my only 3 NOs, and people call me a picky eater. I think you win :)

Susan Tomlinson said...

I know what you mean. I'm not wild about apples. Actually, I'm not wild about fruit in general...except for tomatoes. I get a lot of grief for the fruit thing, though, so you have my sympathy.

ConnieB said...

I am LMAO!!! I HATE tomatoes too. Love the smell of them but don't put them in any of my food. I like ketchup, spaghetti sauce and even salsa but fresh off the vine? NO Way!! I grow them for my parents only. Even my brother doesn't like them.

Kylee Baumle said...

Annie ~ Yes, yes, I know you love them! I'm glad you do! LOL!

Terry ~ I don't dislike ALL tomato products, just raw ones! So yes, I'd love it if you shared your recipe!

Grumpy ~ You're such a smart man!

Alison ~ YES! I LOVE olives! I have been known to sit and eat a jar of green olives as a snack. :-) I like black ones too, but am much less likely to eat them by themselves. I love them on my Subway sandwich! As far as the thin thing goes, I'm told I must have a high metabolism, because even though I'm a picky eater, the things I like are mostly carbohydrates and high in calorie. Just luck, really.

spurge ~ No, I'm very serious! I don't like raw tomatoes. I hate the taste of them and the texture is rather gross, too, although I think maybe I could overcome that if they tasted good. But they don't. :-p

Cindy ~ No wonder we get along so well! ;-) I can't say that I've ever eaten pasta with ketchup on it, but I do eat it with just butter and salt and prefer it that way. I like tomato products and tomatoes in chili and vegetable soup. Just DON'T force me to eat them raw and cold!

Jennah ~ Oh yeah, I'm a picky eater all right. I detest peppers of all kinds. *GAG* And don't anyone tell me to just pick them out because they impart flavor to whatever they touch and I can still taste them. I hate peppers even more than I hate raw tomatoes!

Susan ~ I have a son-in-law that doesn't like fruit either. He doesn't like strawberries! See, I can't imagine anyone not liking strawberries. I love them, seeds and all! I'd prefer that they didn't have seeds, but they don't bug me. Raspberries taste divine, but those seeds drive me crazy, although I don't find them to be gross and I'll eat raspberries all day long if I could.

ConnieB ~ I get you! I really do! You're one of us! :-)

Kylee Baumle said...

Annie ~ Yes, yes, I know you love them! I'm glad you do! LOL!

Terry ~ I don't dislike ALL tomato products, just raw ones! So yes, I'd love it if you shared your recipe!

Grumpy ~ You're such a smart man!

Alison ~ YES! I LOVE olives! I have been known to sit and eat a jar of green olives as a snack. :-) I like black ones too, but am much less likely to eat them by themselves. I love them on my Subway sandwich! As far as the thin thing goes, I'm told I must have a high metabolism, because even though I'm a picky eater, the things I like are mostly carbohydrates and high in calorie. Just luck, really.

spurge ~ No, I'm very serious! I don't like raw tomatoes. I hate the taste of them and the texture is rather gross, too, although I think maybe I could overcome that if they tasted good. But they don't. :-p

Cindy ~ No wonder we get along so well! ;-) I can't say that I've ever eaten pasta with ketchup on it, but I do eat it with just butter and salt and prefer it that way. I like tomato products and tomatoes in chili and vegetable soup. Just DON'T force me to eat them raw and cold!

Jennah ~ Oh yeah, I'm a picky eater all right. I detest peppers of all kinds. *GAG* And don't anyone tell me to just pick them out because they impart flavor to whatever they touch and I can still taste them. I hate peppers even more than I hate raw tomatoes!

Susan ~ I have a son-in-law that doesn't like fruit either. He doesn't like strawberries! See, I can't imagine anyone not liking strawberries. I love them, seeds and all! I'd prefer that they didn't have seeds, but they don't bug me. Raspberries taste divine, but those seeds drive me crazy, although I don't find them to be gross and I'll eat raspberries all day long if I could.

ConnieB ~ I get you! I really do! You're one of us! :-)

Anonymous said...

I eat no fresh tomatoes. I make sauce and then eat that. LOL.

Aimee said...

True confessions indeed! This is hilarious. Oh, how much you miss by! And yet how much you SAVE (as in money and space in your garden!) by not having to buy or grow lots of tomatoes.

I'm with you on the cream of wheat, though. LOVE it, love it, love it!

I only started eating fish in my 30s. I always hated it before then, but for some reason got over it and now I love it. Sushi too. :)

Kathy said...

I think the only thing more challenging to get people to believe is if you don't like chocolate. Not me--I love chocolate--but I once read a funny blog post about the writer's attempts to convince people she didn't like chocolate. And then, years after reading that, it turns out my nephew doesn't like chocolate either. I probably wouldn't have believed him if I hadn't read that blog post first!

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